


When I’m Ready

by saoirse9



Series: Facing Our Demons [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 04:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14464656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saoirse9/pseuds/saoirse9
Summary: “Sam, he hurt you, didn’t he? Lucifer, in the cage.” Gabriel’s voice was quiet, soft, the way one might speak to a spooked animal.Sam’s shoulders tensed and he went painfully still, fingers hovering over the book he’d been reaching for, breathing becoming shallower by the second. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he said, his voice low.





	When I’m Ready

When Gabriel found Sam after the argument with Dean, he had taken refuge in the library, reorganizing the shelves to the state of perfection they’d been in before the Winchesters had taken up residence. He approached the human slowly, careful to make enough noise to announce his presence. Gabriel waited a moment before speaking, hoping Sam might acknowledge him, make starting this conversation easier. But the hunter remained silent, so the angel started, “Sam, he hurt you, didn’t he? Lucifer, in the cage.” Gabriel’s voice was quiet, soft, the way one might speak to a spooked animal.

Sam’s shoulders tensed and he went painfully still, fingers hovering over the book he’d been reaching for, breathing becoming shallower by the second. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he said, his voice low.

But the archangel gingerly pressed on. “I don’t just mean the torture, Sam. That was inevitable in the cage. He did… other things to you, didn’t he?” Gabriel’s question was more a statement, as though he could see the confused tangle of pain coursing through the hunter’s mind.

Sam whirled around, angry now. “I _said_ , I don’t want to talk about it, Gabriel!” He was glaring at the archangel, chest heaving, a warning etched in every line of his face. Gabriel just watched him, features open, eyes gentle. After a moment, Sam couldn’t take the quiet understanding and concern in that look anymore and he spun back to face the shelf. He stared at the books, desperately willing his brain to make sense of the titles. “Just let it go,” he whispered.

A beat of silence, in which the hunter hoped the angel had decided to give up. No such luck.

“Sam,” Gabriel prodded softly.

Sam didn’t answer, just fidgeted with the books in front of him.

Gabriel was unperturbed. “Sam,” he said again.

The hunter’s fingers stilled. When he finally spoke, his voice was acidic. “What do you want me to say, Gabriel? You want me to spill out some sob story? Well I don’t have one. So I was Lucifer’s literal bitch for a while. So what? It’s not like it matters.” He couldn’t prevent the sob that slipped out at the end, or the way he wrapped his arms around himself, fingertips digging painfully into his biceps.

Gabriel carefully moved around Sam until he could peer up into the hunter’s face. Sam couldn’t quite meet the angel’s gaze. He tried to breathe slowly, breath shuddering out with every exhale.

After a second or two of just looking at Sam, Gabriel spoke. “It does matter, Sam. No one – _no one_ – should ever have to go through what you went through.” Then he hesitated before asking gingerly, “Have you told anyone?”

Sam swallowed hard. “No. Well, Rowena, kind of. Lu – ” the hunter paused, took a breath, went on, “he made her suffer, too.”

Gabriel nodded his understanding. Then, even more tentatively, the angel asked, “Have you told Dean?”

The mere thought of telling his brother the full extent of his time in the cage sent Sam into full panic mode. His fingernails bit even deeper into his arms and he hunched in on himself. His eyes unfocused and he struggled to breathe, teeth chattering as he ground out, “N-no, no, no, c-can’t, can’t, can’t tell – ”

The archangel’s eyes widened, Sam’s reaction unexpected. However, he recognized it for what it was and held his hands up placatingly, but was very careful not to touch the hunter. He spoke calmly, gently. “It’s okay, Sam. You don’t have to tell Dean. You don’t have to tell anyone that you don’t want to. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. It’s okay. You’re safe. You’re in the bunker, you’re safe. Breathe with me, kiddo. In – out – in – out.” Gabriel breathed deeply, slowly, watching as Sam gradually began to match his breaths.

Finally, the hunter’s breathing returned to normal and his eyes regained their focus. He stared at a point on the floor and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry, Gabe, you didn’t need to see that.”

Gabriel sighed. “Don’t apologize, Sam. I’m the one who should be saying sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed.”

Sam shook his head. “No, you’re right. I do need to talk about it. I’m just…” Sam finally raised his eyes to meet Gabriel’s and the hunter’s expression was full of such naked terror that it broke the angel’s heart. “I’m not ready.”

Gabriel quickly nodded, wanting to show Sam that he understood completely. “I get that. There’s no hurry. Talk when you’re ready.” There was a beat of silence and then the angel asked, “I don’t suppose I could convince you to talk to a professional?”

Sam gave a humorless laugh. “Unless that professional is versed in the supernatural, that would be a Very Bad Idea.”

Gabriel grimaced. “Yeah, I guess it would be.” He paused for a moment, then looked up into Sam’s eyes once more. Sincerity shone from his golden gaze. “You know you can talk to me, right, kiddo? Anything you want to say, I’ll listen. It’ll be safe with me, I promise.”

The hunter felt tears prick the corners of his eyes and quickly wiped them away. “Thank you, Gabe,” he said quietly.

“Of course,” the angel replied. “Is there – can I do anything else to help you right now?”

Sam spent a moment considering the question and taking stock of his mental state. “A hug. A hug would be nice,” he finally whispered.

Gabriel slowly wrapped his arms around the hunter, careful not to startle him. And as Sam leaned into the gentle embrace of the angel, relaxed into the warmth of another body, he decided that maybe, just maybe, he’d be ready to take Gabriel up on that offer a little sooner than he’d imagined.


End file.
